I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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