Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
