so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
