New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
