:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
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When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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