What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
