she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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