i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
