Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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