I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
