Pappa wants mamma naked
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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