watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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