i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
