I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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