Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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