Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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