Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
