dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
