I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sober January is a disaster.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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