alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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