seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I need to stop coming to work sober
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
