I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
