We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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