where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
