When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
