My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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