Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is Oprah even human
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My life is pants optional.
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