So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
