I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
