okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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