I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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