If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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