Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
