my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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