I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
