My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
