I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
