Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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