I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry about my life...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
