Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
