I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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