he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
