I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
