piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
