I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
