Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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