last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
