she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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