I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
