So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
