I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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