she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
