I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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