Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
