worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
