First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You took a bar mat shot.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
