i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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