I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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