its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
