At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
