I wish my penis had an off switch
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
