he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
