Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
