i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My pussy is not your playground.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
