so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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