Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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