dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
