I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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